‘Midlife moms’ seek more respect from society

That mature lady sitting on the playground bench beaming at her toddler may have some gray hair, but don’t call her “grandma.” She may well be a member of America’s fastest-growing fertility group: mothers 40 and older.

And if she is one of these “midlife moms,” she would appreciate a little more respect.

No observer, for instance, can know what Kelli Suchy and her husband went through to become parents.

“It wasn’t a choice on my part” to marry at 39, endure six in vitro fertilization (IVF) procedures, lose two pregnancies, and then finally adopt at age 45, said Mrs. Suchy, founder of parentingbyadoption.com.

Angel La Liberte, who entered “babyland” when she was 41 and again at age 44, created FlowerPowerMom.com to “tell the truth about motherhood after 40.”

This Mother's Day, Mrs. La Liberte and others are launching an online campaign to build support for older mothers and jettison phrases such as “advanced maternal age” and “geriatric pregnancy.”

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Empowering Women Having Children After 40

In 2010, the CDC reported that the only age group in the United States to show a RISE in birth rate were women over 40.

Flower Power Mom is offering advance membership to the first online community to empower women having children after 40, launching USA Mother's Day, May 8th, 2011.

To join now, go to: www.flowerpowermom.com/community

For more information on the A CHILD AFTER 40 campaign video, Pay It Forward Mother's Day Gift Pendant, and online resources, go to: www.flowerpowermom.com/a-child-after-40

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Menopausal New Mom

Debbie, a 48 year old mom-blogger from Canada, felt blessed to have her daughter (now 3-and-a-half) at 45. “It was a bit of a surprise” says Debbie. “Although I was not on birth control, I didn’t think it would be possible at 44 to get pregnant without medical intervention.”

Debbie feels there are significant benefits to being an older first time mom.

“I think that not being focused on ‘finding myself’ is a big benefit to her (Debbie’s daughter). At 45, I pretty much know who I am and don’t feel I have anything to prove to anyone. I’ve had the career, I’ve had the independence and didn’t marry until I was 44.”

But like the rest of us who have our children after 40, Debbie felt isolated—an experience that was compounded by living in a small town. About a year ago, she “hit menopause” and that’s when she launched her blog, Menopausal New Mom.

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What I Thought I Knew

It is the spring of 1999, and 44-year-old Alice Eve Cohen is deliriously happy. She is raising Julia, her 8-year-old adopted daughter, she is dating a wonderful man and has a thriving career as a playwright and theater artist.

And then one day in early April, she awakens with an upset stomach.

The nausea never abates, and over the course of the next several months Alice gains a host of new symptoms, which her gynecologist diagnoses as early menopause, her gastroenterologist as anemia and reflux, and her general practitioner as a tumor. It is only later, during a CAT scan, that it is accidentally discovered that she is 26 weeks pregnant.

And so begins Alice’s difficult journey in trying to figure out how to proceed. Especially since she has not receive any prenatal care, has been taking prescription medication and synthetic hormones that are know to cause birth defects, is a high-risk pregnancy, and has to deal with an insurance company that offers little coverage or help.

Cohen offers her perspective on the medical system, motherhood and what it means to be a family in today’s society, while providing an honest, entertaining and captivating narrative. She pulls no punches and candidly opens herself to readers, despite how she may appear or be judged.

This is a fast-paced memoir that will preoccupy readers’ thoughts long after the last page has been read.

What I Thought I Knew

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Madonna had 3rd child at 44

Feb 9, 2003 - Gossip magazine Heat broke the news that [Madonna] was carrying her third child. Confusion reigned when only a matter of hours later Madonna's publicist, Liz Rozenburg, denied the story's veracity. A complaint by Madonna to the UK press watchdog, the Press Complaints Commission, finally silenced the last of the waggling tongues.

Perhaps the most amazing thing about the whole debacle is that at the age of 44 her plans to have a third child aren't that, well, amazing. Madonna is an old hand at late motherhood - she had Rocco at 41. Cherie Blair, Jerry Hall and actress Caroline Quentin have all had children in their 40s.

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Pregnancy and home birth at 44

Marta Becker of Vancouver says she had a complication-free pregnancy and home birth at 44.

Before her unexpected pregnancy, Ms. Becker says, she was absorbed by her career and rarely gave motherhood much thought.

The birth of a son almost 10 months ago altered the course of her life, as well as her relationship with a man 11 years younger, she says. Although they were happy together, they had no long-term commitment, “so the pregnancy definitely made a big impact.”

Her partner, a full-time student, was “stunned” by the news, she adds, but he quickly adjusted to fatherhood after the baby was born. “He's crazy in love with this kid.”

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Man, 56, diagnosed as infertile, meets woman, 44

Birth control isn't part of their whirlwind romance – and they get pregnant before you can say “oopsy baby.” Inconceivable, right?

Well, not quite. That's how a baby girl was born to Laura Arpiainen, a Vancouver architect, now 46, and her partner, an interior designer. Their 14-month-old daughter was a “gift out of nowhere,” Ms. Arpiainen says.

The first-time mother wasn't trying to conceive, she adds, and her periods were irregular for several months before the pregnancy. “I thought I had menopause.”

Surprise, surprise.

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Sasha Mears, 50, mom to Sadie, 6

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Sasha Mears Age: 50. Mother to Sadie, aged six. She is married to Michael, 47, a cab driver and landscape gardener

I got married when I was 37 after Michael and I had been together for two years. I had had lots of relationships before, but never seriously considered spending the rest of my life with any of them. We started trying for a family as soon as we got married.

I didn't have any difficulty getting pregnant. It was getting to the next stage that proved to be the problem. They reckoned I lost the first one because of flu. I was grief stricken. In all, I had two definite miscarriages and two probable ones before Sadie came along. Every time you have a miscarriage it takes up to six months for your hormonal levels to re-establish themselves to a normal pitch ready to accept another pregnancy. So effectively every time a pregnancy fails you've lost another year.

I didn't have those years to lose so I went to the assisted conception unit at King's College Hospital in London on the NHS. They gave me drugs that boosted my ovulation rate. You produce six or seven eggs and they fertilise you synthetically. We did three cycles. On the third one I conceived, which was pregnancy number four, but it faltered again at around seven or eight weeks. As I was waiting to start the next cycle I conceived all by myself. I was thrilled. I was nearly 44 when I had Sadie.

I think there are a lot of advantages to being an older mother. For somebody like me who has always been a workaholic you make time because you know you haven't got time to waste. Sadie has never been to a childminder. We juggle work like mad so one or other is always there for her. I'm a theatrical costumier and make sure I get up at 5am three or four times a week to get enough hours of work done to keep my business afloat. But fortunately it's very well established, which it wouldn't be if I was younger. I don't have money worries at all.

I don't really worry about her being on her own in the future because I come from a very long-lived family. There is no cancer or heart disease. We die of boredom aged 93 having caught a cold cross-country running. My husband's family are also healthy and long-lived. You could go under a bus tomorrow. I have a will and there's a trust fund set up.

The only disadvantage of being an older mother is that we would have liked another child and it isn't going to happen. I don't think being an older mother is something that people should risk planning for because of the fertility issue. But if it happens to you be pleased because it carries huge advantages.

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Pamela Laycock, 50, mom of Toby, 5

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Pamela Laycock Age: 50. Mother of Toby, aged five. Derek, her partner of 16 years, is 48, and runs a chauffeur company

I'd always wanted lots of children. We started consciously trying at the end of my thirties when I still hadn't got pregnant. I had IVF in the end, which cost about £14,000. I was 43 at the time. I made a conscious decision that after the age of 45 I would give up. It took only two attempts. I was very, very lucky. I was over the moon when I was told the news. It was better than winning the lottery.

It was then quite scary thinking that maybe something would go wrong. We made a decision not to have any tests for Down's Syndrome because whatever happened we would love that child and look after it. But Toby was absolutely perfect.

My husband loves children but it's never been the be all and end all for him to have one, whereas I desperately wanted one. Now he thinks it's the best thing that happened in the whole world. He still has a little tear when he thinks about Toby being born.

My mother was a bit taken aback when I told her I was pregnant, and worried that I wouldn't have the energy - but I do. I'm a London guide, and when I was pregnant I worked up until a week before he was born. I worked with two colleagues who were in their early thirties and pregnant and they were always having days off because they didn't feel well, and they stopped working way before they gave birth. I had no problem at all.

Being older I have more experience of life to share. I have done a lot, so I'm not desperate to travel. I have friends who had children in their twenties who are at university or leaving home and they're wondering what to do now. I'm too old to go backpacking and I'm lucky that I got all that out of my system before I had Toby. We also had a house, so we weren't struggling to get a foot on the property ladder.

I don't think of myself as being any different from other mums. Not many people know how old I am. Most of the mothers in Toby's class are coming up to 40 anyway. At my antenatal class there were seven of us all having our first and they were all in their mid-thirties onwards.

I do wish I had had him younger because I would have loved to have had more than one. We won't do IVF again because there would be too big an age gap with Toby. It's also too traumatic and expensive.

Toby doesn't recognise that I'm an older mum. I do worry that things might be said at a later date. I don't think I look my age at the minute, but nature will take its course and I'm sure people will make comments. Hopefully it will be something that Toby can brush off as it's not an oddity these days.

Obviously, I would like to see Toby married and it would be lovely to see grandchildren. I don't see why I won't. I don't intend to go before I'm 100.

Being a mother is all I've ever wanted to be and it completes the purpose of my life. I love every second I spend with him. It's the most wonderful experience. I think older mums are possibly more appreciative. I used to feel very left out and now I feel I belong.

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Alice Eve Cohen, pregnant at 44

When I was 30, I was diagnosed as infertile. My doctor told me that I could never get pregnant naturally, and strongly cautioned me not to attempt pregnancy with fertility treatment, as I would never be able to carry a baby past six months.

So at age 44, when I started to feel sick, my various doctors attributed my ailments to early menopause and other conditions related to aging. Six months, numerous X-rays, CAT scans, prescription hormones and a slew of doctors later, I was raced to an emergency CAT scan for a large abdominal tumor — which turned out not to be a tumor at all.

I was six months pregnant.

Read more: http://www.wowowow.com/relationships/abortion-decision-impact-alice-eve-cohen-334406

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Shortly before my 44th birthday, Isabel arrived

Two years and three months after my first baby - and by now in my early 30s - I gave birth to Alice, who will be 21 this month. Soon after this my marriage broke down and I settled into almost a decade of raising my small family as a single parent. And then, shortly before my 44th birthday, my second husband and I celebrated the arrival of Isabel, who has just turned nine.

I am, in spite of my mother's misgivings, the proud mother of three children, each born in a different decade of my life.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1193030/So-does-age-really-make-BETTER-mum.html

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Menopausal New Mom

From Menopausal New Mom : I guess I should backtrack a little and say for the record, how blessed I feel to have had my first and it turns out only child at the ripe old age of 45. She was the typical beautiful, bouncing baby who now fills every one of my days and finally now that she is three years old, just the occasional night.

So there I was, 44 years old and well aware of how remote my chances of becoming pregnant without intervention were. They must be somewhere in the negative numbers by now I remember thinking. No problem. I'd stop taking birth control. I probably didn't need them anyway and it would satisfy my husband who wanted to make sure that if there could be a child in our future, at least we were allowing nature to take its course.

So that's how I ended up like this. Up to my neck in dirty diapers and staring menopause right in the face!

Read more: http://menonewmom.blogspot.com/2009/04/getting-news-what-was-i-thinking.html

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Mariella Frostrup, 46, from Bringing Up Britain

Broadcaster and journalist Mariella Frostrup, 46, lives in west London with her husband, lawyer Jason McCue, 40, and their children, Molly, four, and Danny, three. She is back on Radio 4 with a new series of Bringing Up Britain, which looks at how we are raising the next generation.

You had your first child in your 40s. How is life as an older mother?

Well, I don't know what it's like to have had a baby when you're 25, so I've nothing to compare it against. I'm sure there are advantages to it – such as having more energy. But, then, when I was 25, I wasn't ready for the responsibility of bringing up another human being. But I don't want to be some kind of poster girl for older motherhood. That anxiety, when you know time is not on your side and you're not sure whether you're going to have children, can be very hard to deal with.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1168261/Question-time-Mariella-Fostrup.html

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Midlife Baby Boom

Famous Moms Over 40
Biological clocks be damned, more American women than ever are having babies at an age when previous generations might have been sending their kids off to college. The number of women delivering their bundles of joy after age 40 has doubled in the past two decades, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

Meet a diverse group of women - from Madonna to Sarah Palin - who have defied the odds of giving birth at 41, 51 and beyond.

Read more... http://www.newsweek.com/id/157180

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Time to update our over 40 Birth Statistics Quote

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It's time to update this quote:

"In 2005, there were more than 104,000 births in the United States to women ages 40 through 44, and over 6,500 to women 45 and older. In 2004, there were 1,786 live births to women over 42, using donor eggs."

Checking the 2007 birth stats today at the CDC and I found:
All races and origins
40–44 years................. 105,071 live births
45–54 years................ 7,349 live births

Next I went to SART, who has the 2007 IVF and Donor Egg rates in the US:

Fresh Embryos From Non-Donor Oocytes

Number of cycles : (40-42) 8,865 (43-44) 5,749

Percentage of cycles resulting in live births : (40-42) 11.7 (43-44) 4.6

Total live births : (40-42) 1,037.2 (43-44) 264.5

TOTAL (40-44) : 1,301.7

Thawed Embryos From Non-Donor Oocytes
Number of transfers : (40-42) 1,043 (43-44) 652

Percentage of transfers resulting in live births : (40-42) 20.7 (43-44) 14.6

Total live births : (40-42) 215.9 ( 43-44) 95.2

TOTAL (40-44) : 311

Total number of women conceiving from IVF (non-DE) (40-44) : 1,613

Donor Oocytes (all ages)

Number of transfers : (Fresh Embryos) 9,575 (Thawed Embryos) 5,087

Percentage of transfers resulting in live births : (Fresh) 55.2 (Thawed) 31.7

Total Live Births : (Fresh) 5,285.4 (Thawed) 1612.6

TOTAL births by Donor Egg (all ages) : 6,898

Source: https://www.sartcorsonline.com/rptCSR_PublicMultYear.aspx?ClinicPKID=0

Number of live-birth deliveries resulting from ART cycles started in 2006: 41,343

How old were the women who used ART in the United States in 2006?
Figure 3: The average age of women using ART services in 2006 was 36. The largest group of women using ART services were women younger than 35, representing 39% of all ART cycles carried out in 2006. Twenty-three percent of ART cycles were carried out among women aged 35–37, 19% among women aged 38–40, 10% among women aged 41–42, and 10% among women older than 42.

Number of live-birth deliveries to women using ART older than 42 in 2007: 4,134

How did the types of ART cycles used in the United States in 2006 differ among women of different ages?
Figure 4 shows that, in 2006, the type of ART cycles varied by the woman’s age. The vast majority (96%) of women younger than 35 used their own eggs, whereas only 4% used donor eggs. In contrast, 21% of women aged 41 to 42 and more than half (55%) of women older than 42 used donor eggs. Across all age groups, more ART cycles using fresh eggs or embryos were performed than cycles using frozen embryos.

Number of live-birth deliveries to women using Donor Egg older than 42 in 2004: 2,274

Source: http://www.cdc.gov/ART/ART2006/section1.htm

So the updated quote becomes:

"In 2007, there were more than 105,000 births in the United States to women ages 40 through 44, and over 7,349 to women 45 to 54. In 2007, there were 2,274 live births to women over 42, using donor eggs."

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"Oops!" babies pose challenge to parents and siblings

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On Father's Day 2007, over pancakes at IHOP, Salinans Doris and Randy Worcester broke the news to their daughters, ages 15, 12 and 9: their family was about to have a new addition.

No, it wasn't a new bathroom or bedroom or a new car, the girls discovered. Instead, in just about five months, they would have a new baby brother.

"It was a stunning shock when we found out," Randy said. "There was a nine-year gap there."

Randy and Doris had found themselves, at ages 45 and 44, the parents-to-be of an unplanned child, or what some refer to as an "Accidental" or "Oops!" baby.

Full story: http://www.tradingmarkets.com/.site/news/Stock%20News/2007645/

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I'm pregnant & scared to death at 44

Hi! My name is Robin, and I found out on Saturday that I'm pregnant! I'm scared to death! It was totally unexpected even though I was being dumb and playing Russian Roulette.

The prescription for my birth control pill had run out a few months ago. I called to make an appointment with my OB/gyn [obstetrician/gynecology]. She moved to Hawaii. So I found a new one but wasn't able to get in until June. I figured at my age and my history in difficulty with getting pregnant in the past, I just needed to be careful and I'd be fine. WRONG!

I don't know what I was thinking. I'm 44 after all, I should know better. I have two wonderful boys from a previous marriage. I've been seeing a wonderful man for nearly 3 years now. We both felt we were too old to have children. I dropped a bomb in the poor man's lap when I told him Saturday night.

This is the last thing either of us wanted, but we decided we would continue with the pregnancy. I think we will both slowly get use to the idea.

I'm scared to death with all I've read about what can go wrong. I'm looking forward to reading about all the good and positive with being pregnant at 45. I'm also looking forward to making some online friends to help each other through this exciting time in our lives.

4611~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I just want to add that my grandmother had her last baby at 44. And my aunt had her last baby at 43.

Granted, I'm 45 now but I feel that my eggs have been "pampered" more than my grandmother or aunt, who led harder lives than me (I'm kind of spoiled, I admit it!). Obviously, they didn't go to a fertility clinic 'cause there weren't any.

4612~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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She is 47y old & so pregnant

There is a lady in my birthing unit that I work in, and she is being induced today. She is 47 years old, and so pregnant that she is being induced!!!

4603~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I turned 44 today.

I have had 3 miscarriages and my last FSH [follicle stimulating hormone] (tested over 2 years ago) was 18 on day 10. It was probably higher when we conceived this baby.

I was told by the first RE [reproductive endocrinologist] I saw, that my chances of conceiving were pretty slim (based on the theory that I would be a poor responder to treatment). Turns out I wasn't that great of a responder.

I got 9 eggs on my first IVF [in vitro fertilization], 8 on the second, 3 on the 3rd IVF and the last two cycles produced one egg each (both never fertilized).

I got pregnant once through IVF, but had a better success rate concieving naturally. Unfortunately, miscarriages were my issue.

The point of my long ramble, is that FSH is not an indicator of whether or not you will get pregnant or have a baby (especially conceived naturally), it's just a measure of how you MIGHT responds to the IVF meds.

I tell everyone I know not to give up, and to focus on trying natuarally if male factor and other female issues are not a problem. From my experience, IVF wasn't the best route to our baby, but thankfully I am beating the statistics and defying all the naysayers that told me a high FSH number equals never having a baby.

I wish everyone on this board much success in their journey to have a baby. - Anne

4604~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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I'll be 44 when the baby is born

I am 43. I will be 44 when the baby is born (my birthday is September, baby is due in November).

4601~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was participating in an online forum for older moms. I ran across one mom who was single, and got pregnant with an IUI [intra-uterine insemination] and Clomid at age 46.

4602~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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I'm 46 & just found out I'm pregnant

I am 46 and just found out I am pregnant. I also gave everything away to the Katrina effort. Then I jokingly said that just as soon as I gave everything away, I'll get pregnant.

We have two other kids, 8 and 6 and haven't used any birth control since the first one. We have been praying for another baby, and feel blessed to be pregnant again.

4593~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was 44 when I had my daughter seven weeks ago. It wasn't planned at all, in fact, I was very upset at first when I found out I was pregnant.

I got used to the pregnancy, and fell in love with my daughter through all the ultrasounds I needed to have. I am just now beginning to feel more normal after having her...

It was so tiring when she was first born, and I suffered from PPD [post-partum depression], and she was so noisy when she slept! She is into more of a pattern now, and since being on medication, I feel and sleep much better too.

4594~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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