But Dr. March Enders, a Washington physician who was 47 when her son was born, said: ''When you're an older parent, you really want your child. I felt more well defined in my career and had a lot more self-esteem, and, oddly enough, having Tommy has kept us young.''
Despite a multitude of studies and headlines about women putting off childbearing until their late 30's and early 40's, surprisingly little attention has been paid to children of older parents. For many, the emotional texture of their childhoods and their experiences in early adulthood are quite different from those of their peers whose parents are younger.
Advantages and Disadvantages
These children may benefit because their fathers and mothers tend to be more financially and emotionally secure and are likely to invest greater emotional energy in their upbringing, according to psychologists. On the other hand, they often report embarrassment, fear and remorse about their parents' ages. As young adults, they are frequently faced with emotional, medical and financial responsibilities for their parents at much earlier ages than other children, giving them a sharpened sense of time and a feeling that their youth has been abridged.
In many ways, however, offspring of older parents are children of economic and emotional privilege, according to Dr. Iris Kern, a professor of social welfare at the University of the District of Columbia who has studied older mothers. When their playmates' fathers and mothers are thinking about promotions, mortgages and their own identities, children of older parents are more likely to take center stage.
'More Mature and Stable'
Unlike younger people, who ''are more caught up with themselves and their own goals,'' Dr. Kern said, ''when you're close to 40, you've learned a lot more about life and are probably more mature and stable.'' Older parents often pay greater attention to their children, expose them to more varied experiences and are less likely to divorce, she said.
Older parents' temperaments may benefit their children. ''Older mothers tend to be calmer, more rational and are more relaxed with their children,'' said Dr. Jerome Kagan, a psychology professor at Harvard University. As a result, there is likely to be ''less conflict and anxiety in the child,'' he said.
Greater parental attention, while intellectually stimulating, may also result in unrealistically high expectations and not enough autonomy, said Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a Harvard pediatrician and director of the child development unit at Children's Hospital Medical Center in Boston.
Many of these issues also apply to children of older adoptive parents. Estelle Parsons and her husband, Peter L. Zimroth, New York City's Corporation Counsel, adopted an infant four years ago. ''I feel more comfortable about parenting, since I've done it before,'' said the 59-year-old actress, who also has two grown daughters.
Full article: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B0DEFDE1031F935A15752C0A961948260
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